Near.

Bismillah.

My first night call yg kena jaga 4 wards sorang2 was alhamdulillah manageable.

I was expecting the same thing for my 2nd night call. Tapi. Tak. Harapan berkecai. Byk issues, admissions, postop reviews, baby's blood yg perlu diambil, and coming morning's blood, periphery case, etc yg perlu dibuat as compared to my first night call. N only one houseman to cater everything like any other nights

Rasa tk menang tangan. Rasa nak ada poket doremon supaya blh panjangkan masa supaya blh setelkan everything before pagi. Huhu

Mengharapkan staff nurse untuk tolong.

Yang baik tu memang dia yang tolong.

Bagi id and password, dia yang tolong orderkan darah baby, dia yang setelkan semua.

Yang nak tidur/layan movie tu memang tinggalkan je houseman suffer sorang2 dan esok pagi bising2 "houseman malam tak setelkan kerja diaaa". Huhu

Yes I know it is my job to settle everything on my own. Tapi nak kerat badan macam mana kalau semua ward pun ada issues at one time? 

Perhaps I'm still slow at multitasking 

Tapi it's only my 2nd time on night.....

Mengharapkan malam yang uneventful

Mengharapkan patient yang tak mengada, boleh cooperative

Mengharapkan takde new admissions, atau kalau ada pun, biar lah yang manageable

Mengharapkan veins yang senang dicari untuk di-poke

Mengharapkan ada orang boleh tolong kalau susah nak poke

Mengharapkan takde patient Hb low supaya tak perlu ke blood bank amik darah

Mengharapkan blood pressure patient semua nya stable

Mengharapkan semua patient lahir SVD dan tak yah caesar supaya tak perlu buat post-op reviews tengah2 malam

Mengharapkan MO yang baik hati dan tak moody, mahu mengajar dan bukan hanya expect houseman mampu buat sendiri

Mengharapkan houseman kat labor room tk bz dan blh tlg kat ward 

Tapi bukan tu yang berlaku

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Do you ever wonder why when you’re most in need, every door you seek of the creation remains closed? You knock on one, but it’s slammed shut. So you go to another. It’s also shut. You go from door to door, knocking, pounding on each one, but nothing opens. And even those doors you had once depended on, suddenly shut. Why? Why does that happen?

See, we humans have certain qualities which God knows well. We are constantly in a state of need. We are weak. But, we are also hasty and impatient. When we are in trouble, we will be pushed to seek assistance. And that’s the design. Why would we seek shelter if it’s sunny and the weather is nice? When does one seek refuge? It is when the storm hits. So Allah subahanahu wa ta`ala (exlated is He) sends the storm; He makes the need through a created situation, so that we will be driven to seek shelter.

But when we do seek assistance, because of our impatience, we seek it in what is near and what seems easy. We seek it in what we can see and hear and touch. We look for shortcuts. We seek help in the creation, including our own selves. We look for help in what seems closest. And isn’t that exactly what dunya (wordly life) is? What seems near. The word ‘dunya’ itself means ‘that which is lower’. Dunya is what seems closest. But, this is only an illusion.

There is something closer.

Think for a moment about what’s nearest to us. If asked this question, many would say it is the heart and the self that are nearest. But, Allah (swt) says:

“It was We Who created man, and We know what dark suggestions his nafs(self) makes to him: for We are nearer to him than (his) jugular vein,” (Qur’an 50:16).

In this verse, Allah (swt) begins by showing us that He knows our struggles. There is comfort in knowing that someone sees our struggles. He knows what our own self calls us to. But He is closer. He is closer than our own self and what it calls for.  He is closer than our jugular vein. And why the jugular? What is striking about this part of us? The jugular vein is the most important vein that brings blood to the heart. If severed, we die almost immediately. It is literally our lifeline. But Allah (swt) is closer. Allah (swt) is closer than our own life, than our own Self, than our own nafs. And He is closer than the most important pathway to our heart.

In another verse, Allah (swt) says:

“O ye who believe! give your response to Allah and His Messenger, when He calleth you to that which will give you life; and know that Allah cometh in between a man and his heart, and that it is He to Whom ye shall (all) be gathered,” (Qur’an 8:24).

Allah (swt) knows we have a nafs. Allah knows we have a heart. Allah knows that these things drive us. But Allah tells us that He is closer to us than even these. So when we reach for other than Him, we are not only reaching for what is weaker, we are also reaching past what is closer, for what is further and more distant. Subhan Allah (Glory be to God).

So since this is our nature, as Allah (swt) knows best, He protects and redirects us by keeping all other doors of refuge closed during the storm. He knows that behind each false door is a drop. And if we enter it, we will fall. In His mercy, He keeps those false doors closed.

In His mercy, He sent the storm itself to make us seek Him. And then knowing that we’re likely to get the wrong answer, He gives us a multiple choice exam with only one option to choose from: the correct answer.  The hardship itself is ease.  By taking away all other handholds, all other multiple choice options, He has made the test simple.

It’s never easy to stand when the storm hits. And that’s exactly the point. By sending the wind, He brings us to our knees: the perfect position to pray.

Excerpt from here http://www.suhaibwebb.com/personaldvlpt/reflections/the-only-shelter-in-the-storm/

Ps: mohon doanya.... Moga dapat redha dengan apa jua tarbiah dari Allah..